Just leaving this here:
You know a few months after the lawsuit I was thinking about what an indifferent DBSK fan I am– I went through hell and back during the lawsuit– but after that it was just nothing. There are some fans who get emotional with every activity HoMin and JYJ tend to do, and for them it’s almost impossible to separate one entity from the other. But with me, it’s like I’ve reached a stage where HoMin is only HoMin, and JYJ is only JYJ. And they were once part of the amazing masterpiece which was Dong Bang Shin Ki. I’m not sure if that’s not keeping the faith- I do keep the faith. But with keeping the faith, I also realise the chances of them reuniting are rather slim, so it’s more like I’m just here. Not really waiting. But not really not waiting. As in, if it happens, then it happens, and it feels like I’ve been waiting for it. And if it doesn’t happen then, it doesn’t matter, because I wasn’t waiting for it. Make sense?
All that generally means was, I’m not that emotional about OT5 as I once was a few months ago. Of course whenever they mention each other I do squeal, but I don’t feel a tug at my heart anymore. It’s like I’ve become immune. Or more like, I just don’t like thinking about what went on during that lawsuit too much. Does that make sense? Writing this blogpost is probably extraordinarily contradictory to that statement, but believe me, I don’t like thinking about it.
So I’m not sure what is it about MAXIMUM that’s making me think so much. I mean, in all honestly, it’s probably nothing special. Just a song they recorded before they were planning to split, just another song recorded by the five of them. So it should probably hold the same sentimentality as Break Out! or something- right? But for whatever reason, it just means a lot more, and it’s getting me really emotional. For several reasons.
I wonder how it’s like dancing to the sound of your ex-bandmates echoing throughout the practice room? Does it trigger memories? Does it trigger regrets? Does it affect them at all? And did they know what was coming when they were recording this? Why did they record it? Were they planning a Korean comeback before they split up– the five of them– and this was one of the songs recorded? It just makes me think. It makes me think about how abrupt this lawsuit thing must have come down on them, and it makes me wonder what the plan was before the big split. How many other songs on that album were meant to be for the five of them? Just hearing all five of their voices on a song again, it makes me really sad, and really happy at the same time. Sometimes it feels like JYJ don’t exist to HoMin these days, like they’re moving on fine without them. Which they should, they should move on. But it hurts seeing the JYJ members (particularly that of Jaejoong) acknowledge what a big part of them HoMin was. And I’m sure HoMin feel the same way, but the indifferent facade on their side almost unnerves me. It’s like with the release of this practice music video, came acknowledgement from HoMin’s side. And that in itself makes me tear up a bit.
Also, can I just say, when I heard MAXIMUM the first time, I was thinking about how it was such a DB5K song. And how much DB5K would probably rock it. I should trust my intuition more from now on, amrite?